FearMonger (Written 4 years ago)

"Come on Travis you'll be staying with Auntie Janette tonight" as he grabs his Scooby Doo stuffed animal and make his way to Janette's car. 

The time is 11pm and Travis was awoken from the shouting match between his mother and father in the kitchen. "Please Lord do not let them fight" he repeatedly prayed into his pillow. A soft knock interrupted his prayer as Yelena his mother softly entered his bedroom. Travis pretends to be asleep as his mother pause to collect her courage. "Travis honey you will be sleeping at your auntie's tonight. She is on her way now." Travis starts snoring as he feels her presence drawing nearer. "Please Lord let her face be okay" he silently prays as he tightens his grip on the covers. Yelena knows Travis is awake; he is too much of a light sleeper for a 9 year old and she is agonized by the thought of her son seeing her face like this; so she refrains from turning on the light and chose to use the night light in the room to pack Travis' clothes. There is silence in the room as the doorbell rang and a loud "you know I am not getting that right" echoed from the kitchen downstairs from Tyler.  Travis rolled to his left side on the bed knowing who was at the door and finally took a glimpse at his mother who is trying her best to use the shadow of the room to hide the huge black eye on the right side of her face. Travis heart began racing as his worst fear came to past and his prayers were ignored once again.  He is speechless and the "Mommy is okay honey" words from his mother though spoken in hope to console and reassured echoed more confusion for Travis. These words were too familiar.  "But your face is…." "I know hun mommy will be okay". Yelena is now holding back her tears as she recalls telling herself that she will never tolerate a man putting his hands on her and putting her children through such distress. "It's one strike you're out" she used to say. The bell rang another time and Yelena cellphone began ringing seconds after. "We will be down shorty…. No I am okay…. I don’t need this right now Janette please…just wait in the car for Travis". 

Inside Auntie Janette's car Travis makes one plea to his mother as she kissed him on the forehead. "Come with us mommy". "Mommy will see you tomorrow Travis" Janette quickly assured knowing Yelena philosophy of loyalty towards her husband. Janette often reminds her that it is a philosophy base on "blind loyalty" with a high price tag but she knows this is not a good time to remind Yelena of that. She is frustrated and angry but knows her older sister wants her to hold it in for the sake of Travis. This is their fourth transaction within the past 8 months and Travis is now aware of the routine her Auntie Janette goes by from the minute he gets in the car to her house. "Travis I don’t want you to ever treat your future wife like Tyler your father baby and I mean that".

"Travis!! Travis!!" screeched Maureen; his girlfriend of 4 years. "What?? What’s the matter" Travis responded trying to come back to the present. "Our therapist wanted to know your biggest fear about marrying me sweetheart".

Who Else But(a personal and random reflection)

I am about to be married in less than 6 weeks. I am filled with so many emotions as the time approaches. There is a great sense of gratefulness and awe towards this upcoming chapter of my life. I am astonished at the trajectory of my life as one glance to my right and to my left quickly reminds me of how I quickly could have chosen a different path. Growing up I was victim of many changes and changes that I hated. I vowed very early on that I would never make room for anyone to make me bleed or allow change to break my spirit. This translated into my personality as an adolescent and young adult. I mastered the art of keeping everyone at arm’s length. This assured me self-preservation in that I developed an ability to anticipate, foresee, counter and avoids any hurt or attempts to hurt me. This also contributed to my academic achievements and a strong sense of self-sufficiency. I recognize that God meticulously and sovereignly shaped my past experiences and is at work in the present and future aspects of my life. He appointed experiences and people in my past who were patient and showed me loved even when I didn’t reciprocate or knew how to receive genuine love and care. These people were not many but their actions and words resonated loudly into my life even when I didn’t even realize it at the time. God showed and nursed my past wounds to the point where significant healing took shape. This led to a lowering of my defensive walls, a sense of personal freedom that I never knew existed before and ultimately my ability to not only receive but to reciprocate love. The guy who was once fearful of change and begged for constancy is now openly receptive and ecstatic about transitioning into a life of marriage and eternal union.  Who else but God? 

Under the Microscope (Part 2)

One of the reasons I wrote "under the microscope" relates to an ongoing personal struggle of mine. There is a type of frustration where one is able to genuinely engage and actively serve his/her home church. Yet there is another kind of frustration that can turn toxic and negatively impact one's service. Both frustrations are contingent on the perception or interpretation of progress/change or lack thereof.  An argument can be made that one should silence any discomfort or frustration when it comes to serving his/her church. It has been argued that serving in in of itself should surpass all discomfort and/or frustration.  This is the "tough it out" approach I held up until the middle of last year (2014). This approach while appearing appropriate can become problematic particularly when someone is serving in leadership capacities.

I can say for the past few months I have moved toward a particular frustration where I am no longer able to genuinely engage and actively participate in leadership capacities. This has led to an indefinite sabbatical that some believe is not necessary.  The truth is I am frustrated with the personality of my home church. I have been for several years and it has been leading me to look introspectively into myself and also my church.  I don’t want to lead worship simply to fulfil a need for my church or because I do it well; particularly when I am conflicted and frustrated with her.  I believe she deserves such respect. If I am not "all in" I rather pass on my uniform to the next dedicated team member.  Furthermore I don't believe the work of the Lord should be taken this lightly.

This is my willingness to allow many to see me under the microscope.   My embracing of transparency has drawn me to rely more on the strength and perfection of Christ than my own. I have been learning that I don’t have to exert all my energy on appearing or taking a form of strength and perfection. It is much easier and less cumbersome to let Christ be my strength and perfection.   This past year I have learned that despite my individual efforts, I have not been able to abandon a performance oriented way of interpreting the gospel; especially in the mist of my home church.  I morph my personality to be one that shelters/hides individual weaknesses and shortcomings. This leads me to look down on others that I perceive to be spiritually weak and lacking. It becomes imperative for me to look to part even at the expense of self-deception.  In the end I live with no actual realization of the gospel of love and grace. I see God's love and acceptance as something that is earned through performance rather than freely given through the perfect work of his son.  In addition, the power and splendor of the gospel of Christ is limited in my life.

One of the points that I attempted to make in "under the microscope"(part 1) is that a church that is oblivious to the several factors that impacts its perception and application of the gospel will have no desire to daily assess herself and submit problematic areas to her chief's potter; namely Christ. The same applies to a church that is aware but doesn't regularly acknowledge and submit herself and those influencing factors under Christ's microscope. What I failed to argue is how such disposition vicariously perpetuates and inhabits her members.   My plea is for more open conversation and acknowledgement of the influential factors that informs the church's interpretation and application of the gospel.  The Haitian culture is known to be critical and punitive. Furthermore the culture is also known to harbor a type of pride and several vices that can become destructive. Becoming a Christian does not render one immune to these factors  but rather allow one to openly acknowledge and submit them under Christ for daily chiseling. To blindly ignore the influence of culture and personal experiences on one's application of the gospel is self-deception at its best. 

Yet the beauty of the love of God is its ability to regularly and efficiently surface shortcomings in order for recipients to respond; very much like a microscope making the tiniest things visible to the naked eye.  One way I have responded to my performance oriented way is by daily acknowledging that God's love is not something that I earn or perform for. I acknowledge that there is no freedom in pretending and hiding shortcomings for the sake of appearing "well put together".  I am learning to cherish God as a father that I can openly share my deepest shortcomings to in prayer.   I use opportunities to acknowledge that I am frustrated with my home church but also remind myself that I am not too far different from her. I above all need to remain under God's microscope  and respond to His love daily.    

Savior Please by Josh Wilson

Under the Microscope (part 1)

We know that churches are gauge under the critical themes of the bible ranging from the deity of Christ, infallibility of the word, the trinity, humanity need for savior due to the fall, justification and Christ as savior/redeemer  to name a few—simply put the "essentials" of the faith.  Yet I believe churches have distinct personalities that are influenced by denomination, culture, education, training and life experiences.  These factors influence and inform identities of individual congregations whether one is willing to admit it or not. A congregation's heartbeat for certain social and political issues is influence by these factors. Perception and application of the gospel is influence by them. Amazingly congregations' heartbeat on how they relate to their own and those they perceive to be different from them is influenced by these elements. Many looking for a home church often take such factors into account in addition to gauging the essential elements of the faith. This diversity is a great gift principally when there is an open awareness and acknowledgement by the individual church. Lastly it is even a greater gift when it is regularly and intently placed under the microscope of the gospel for ongoing analysis by Jesus Christ; the chief potter.

An oblivious approach to these elements and their potential impact on a church personality and administration strengthens the ill conviction that they do not need to be regularly submitted under the microscope of the gospel.  The Apostle Paul dedicated prayers, multiple warnings and letters to churches in the bible because he believed local churches to be susceptible to falling into a state of obliviousness as it pertains to some of these elements.  Paul responded and reminded churches of their dire need to be regularly held under the microscope of the gospel every opportunity he had. Whether it was philosophy in Rome/Colossae or cleansing practices and circumcision in Corinth, Paul challenged churches to maintain the GOSPEL above all life experiences, training, culture and denominations; and to allow the Gospel to be the principal zoom through which they regularly held themselves. There is often a misconception that the earlier churches had it all together.  This is inaccurate when we fare it to scripture and consider all of Paul's letters and the other apostles in the New Testament. James wrote to a church who was discriminating against the poor and favoring the rich while claiming to have faith(James 2). So you see even the churches then needed to be regularly held under the microscope. 

.

Crusty Heart(a reflection)

A couple Sunday ago, one of the preachers made note that he wrestles with the spirit of sadness and continues to wrestle with the "why are you cast down oh my soul" depicted in psalm 42.  He also highlighted the provision the Lord has made in providing him with a solid wife and family of believers. This type of self disclosure is precisely what is needed in the life of believers and occasionally on the pulpit. Too often in our efforts to appear "all together and top tip form", we fail to acknowledge and center the area of our hearts truly in need of healing and touching from the Lord. If it is true that the Lord came for those in need of a physician and not those who consider themselves well; then as a body we have to begin to acknowledge and understand the state of our individual brokenness and the ongoing need for regeneration.

 At the core of all brokenness is an unregenerate and unyielding heart.  While the Lord does not promise us eternal healing until his glorious return, he does promise and guarantee a comforter and counselor in the interim. By failing to acknowledge and continuing to ignore and/or masked the true state of our hearts, we hold a respectable reputation as "men or women of God" in the eyes of the church communities while deceiving ourselves and highly upholding the "Pharisee" banner that Jesus repeatedly warns us about.  This "performance/appearance oriented theology" where appearance before man is held supremely above God has plagued men since the fall—the bottom line: men's heart is wretched and desperately wicked (Jer 17v9). It's always seeking its own.  

 The most inconspicuous way to kill a target is by deceiving and convincing it that there is no imminent threat. There is no reason to pursue a safe haven or tower of refuge if no threat is perceived. The lion often pretend to ignore its prey from a distance giving it a false sense of shelter before drawing closer for a kill. I believe the bible is intentional in previewing us to Moses' anger management issues, Abraham's lying ways, King David's ruthless ways, John the Baptist attitude problem (Luke 7v19) and many other great men of faith in the bible.  I believe the ultimate reason is to elevate God's name and remind us of how he is able to use foolish things of this world to put the wise to shame.  Nevertheless, I also view this as God's loving reminder and calling that we need to be constantly seeking a safe haven/ tower of refuge for our hearts lest we drown in the deep sea of self deception and rend the gospel ineffective.

Jesus' repeated gripe with the Pharisees and the state of their heart is not without cause. He knows the bent of our heart. He knows that all of us have to deal with a type of hypocrisy and wretchedness when it comes to our hearts.  He has provided the mirror (James 1v23); namely his word. One can choose to acknowledge the crust around the eyes of his/her heart and daily devote it to the Lord for cleansing and reshaping OR one can simply walk away from the mirror pretending and ignoring the vivid crusts around his/her heart. 

Suicide Strikes the Christian Community

The recent tragedy in the Warren's family is an event that struck many in the Christian community.  The well known author of "The Purpose Driven Life" and pastor lost his son secondary to suicide earlier this year after a long documented history of major depressive disorder with psychotic features.  Suicide is an event that transcends culture, religion, age and sex mainly because of  its uncharacteristic nature. According to data taken by the American Association of Suicidology, 38,364 people completed suicide in 2010; a number that is likely higher as some suicides are often arranged to appear as accidents. 

This tragedy brings up a topic that often gets ignored  until it is often too late in most Haitian churches. Discussion and education about depression and mental illness barely makes it to churches' front porch. Sadly when it does,  It is often depicted as  a "they" problem and not "you", "I" or "We" problem. The TRUTH:  most Haitian churches have a very limited  theology on the issue of depression and are not ready to acknowledge and deal with  people in the pews suffering with depression and/or suicidal ideations. The result is many folks in the pews suffers in silence and are unable to get the necessary support and resources. Events such as the Warren's family is a stern reminder that believers  living in a fallen/un-regenerated world are never immune to ailment such as depression and suicidal ideations.

As a professional who works in the field of mental health and human services, this event has reminded me of several realities. One of them is the amazing reality behind pain, suffering, brokenness and the degenerative effect of sin in the world.  It has alarmed me to the importance of exploring the issue of depression and mental illness in our churches; an issue that still remains  taboo in many congregation.   Many believe depression to be a sheer lack of spiritual prowess--a simply mind over matter.  In routine cases, those who suffer from depression or other forms of mental illness are often reminded and asked  to "man up", "get over it", "give it time", " pray about it"  and even view as "demon possessed".

One of the issues I observed is that Haitian christian communities are either solely"culturally informed" on  matters related to the mind or too "spiritual" and into Jesus to cope with real issues of the mind. This infiltrates their spiritual compass on taboo topics such as depression and suicide. The result is an inordinate  number of  Haitians in the  Christian community who are ill-advised of the genuine and debilitating effect of chronic /severe depression and mental illness. If you  believe Christians are immune to depression and/or suicide, I suggest   a comprehensive study on the doctrine of sin/the fall.  God has not supernaturally immune Christians to sufferings--NOT YET.  

Suicide is a  tragic and hurtful losses for families to cope with regardless of  faith.   The Christian community grieves with the Warren family  and  feelings of  guilt, shock and denial they might face. The absence of a life is a terrible loss to those closest to it regardless of the means by which it was taken.

Parents' Limitations: God-Centered vs Parent-Centered

Consider the biblical duty of parents toward their children. Parents are instructed to raise their children in the wisdom of the lord so that when they grow they do not depart from it. They are instructed to influence their character from birth in assuring that they understand biblical principles with the clear indication that children will eventually grow and parents' realm of influence will eventually diminish. This is not an easy job but the implication behind raising a child is clearly "God-centered" and not "parents' centered". Thus children are best raised by keeping this end in mind which is to raise children in the discipline of the Lord for God's glory and purpose.  This does not necessarily mean that children who are raised in such are bound to become flawless and God lovers.  Thus we see that devoted parents who bring up their children in Godly principles are not promised godly children.  The closest example to this is that of Lucifer revolting against God in heaven.  The amount of pastors and devoted believers in one family is not enough to raise a Godly child.

The limitation in parents' ability to influence their children is an idea that is often ignored and not fully explored.   Perhaps it is rooted in the general pride that most Haitian families assume in raising children. Or perhaps it is rooted in a culture that does not pride in admitting faults and limitations.  Families are taught early on to see their children as a mirror reflection and work very hard to assure children represent them well in deeds and actions.  Haitian culture provides a lot of incentive for parents to overcompensate their limitations by assuming full responsibilities for their children's growth and discipline. Parents are publicly praised and honored when their child achieve great success and are active in church even when some of the success is in spite of the parents' influence.  Conversely, there is no incentive in acknowledging parent's limitations and how it periodically increases as children age.  

Without a sincere grasp on this reality, most families  often become extremely frustrated, frazzled,  hopeless, depressed and feel a great sense of failure when they realize that their perceived influence on a child's life was a mere mirage and the child's sinful behavior is publicly exposed.  This often leads to physical, mental, spiritual and emotional disturbances. This sense of self-depreciation is often a result of immense disappointment in how one's family will be perceived in the community and not that a holy God has been offended.  It is rarely perceived as families' own limitation on the lives of children who are SINNERS.

Parents' limitation on their child is not merely an indication of parents need to depend on the Lord.  It is the indication that every child is the Lord's and children's obedience to God's standard is supremely more valuable than children's allegiance and obedience to parent/culture standards.  It is the realization that when devoted parents have done all in their power to influence their child in the knowledge of God; they still yet have to rely on a limitless God who can save and influence children bred in sin.  Limitations shouldn’t dismiss parents' responsibility to influence and discipline their child in the Lord; rather it should simply inform and dictate it by prioritizing children's obedience and growth in the love for God as the main priority in raising children. Parents' limitation is the incentive that should compel mothers and fathers to boast in their weaknesses/limitation; to surrender their children to the Lord above all things and quit raising a child to reflect and appease one's outlook in the community.  After all, aren’t all that is in heaven and earth the Lord's?

In hearing some of the topics discussed and reviewed by concerned parents during the February's weekend seminar, it's evident that families are seeking answers for their children.  Parents are concerned about their son turning into responsible men and their daughters becoming women of virtue and integrity.  It is helpful to consider that limited parents cannot and will never influence their children on their own. It is helpful to consider that only God can save and protect and that the earth is the Lord and all that is in it. In parents recognizing and coming to grip with their own limitations, the hope is that they will learn to rely more on God's ability to move their children.

Sondy C